Grandmom's House: College Edition

I'm 28 and living with my grandmom. Save your pity, it provides endless fodder for this blog.

Stock photo of college fridge:

Just kidding, that's my grandmom's Ramen and Beer.

File under:

@ Freshman 20

Saved

I like Facebook for one reason: to look at engagement photos of guys (and their fiances) I used to date and see the ring-- I mean relationship that I dodged.

File under:

@Diamond Chip

@Water Retention

Illiterally Alliterate

I can sympathize with folks who are below the computer literacy curve because I just found out what a hashtag was. According to friends, I now abuse the mechanism and to them I simply say #lame.

I felt, however, that the "FML" was a widely known statement of love for a significant other. What was curious was that my boyfriend got very upset every time I used it.

Here are some examples:

"**** made me a candlelit dinner, FML"

"**** just told me he loved me for the first time.. FML"

"We're engaged! FML"

Apparently my definition was the antithesis of the universally understood meaning. Thankfully he didn't break up with me over this. He did, however break up with me for calling him an Anti-Semite.

...Upon further investigation, "Anti-Semite" does not mean someone who is opposed to linguistics.

File under:

@ Archdiocesan Education

Stifling a Yawn

Based on raw data, the amount of hours spent in anticipation of Breaking Dawn is inversely correlated to the amount of friends you have.

File under:

@Adult onset acne

@ Support Groups

Are you there God? It's me, Desperate.

The less I eat, the more snarky I become as evidenced by my more recent Facebook Post:

"Boredom combined with caffeination normally results in online dating registration. I'm currently trying to resist that urge."

A family member, who borders on biblical, commented, "Food for thought: Match.com = more dates, more engagements, more marriages, MORE MURDERS!! You are way too intelligent and pretty. The right one will come along in His time."

Thankfully, I have sane-minded relatives with text messaging capabilities:

Uncle Brett: "Leave it to Jane* to get all biblical."

Me: "Right? I was just being my hysterical self. My first thought, 'wait. thought I deleted her..guess HE brought her back."

Uncle Brett: "On the 3rd day she rose again.. on Facebook."

Me: "I want to delete , but she called me pretty. So, there's that."

Uncle Brett: "Lol. always making lemonade." She's got issues. Apparently both personalities will be saved by Jesus in the end, so they can both be tools in this life."

Me: "Clad in Nike shoes and 'heaven's gate away team' armbands."

*names have been changed to respect the insane.

file under:

@ Doomsday

@ Salvation

DTO

Dear Reader,

I found myself full of random musings and no medium to showcase them. Some posts will be short, others long but let me halt before this turns into a song.

My apologies in advance.

Warmest Regards,

Ashley